Naco Ordinary Meal
by Ran Hakubi
Summary: When Dr. Drakken is awake after a botched experiment, he finds himself watching Good Eats, which has a special guest star: Ron Stoppable!


**A/N:** Well, here we go folks, another twisted cross over from the mind of Ran Hakubi. Now, I know I'm gonna get flak for not updating the 8 Nights arc, but, just bare with me. This is a cross over I've wanted to do for a good long while.

Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever, own Good Eats (Be Square) or Kim Possible (Disney)

Ran's Three R's are now in effect!

PS: If you're familiar with Good Eats, then you know about the little factoids they throw into the episodes. Those will be shown in italics.

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**Naco Ordinary Meal**

Dr. Drakken, aka Drew Lipski, walked out of the door to his lab with a stretch. He couldn't believe that he had been in there almost half the night working on a new form of wireless internet.

"Nrrg. One of these days I'll manage to find a frequency I can use to send my internet signal all over the world. Then I will no longer have to pay for broadband connections at every lair! YOU WILL NOT WIN THIS ROUND, ISP!" Drakken shouted into the empty vast that was his Middleton lair's living room, making him feel a bit sheepish after he realized what he had just done.

After the echo of his outburst died down, Drakken went over to the couch and grabbed the TV remote, flipping through the channels to see what was on this late at night. As he flipped, he flopped down onto the couch in front of the massive screen.

"No. No. No. No. No. Ooh! Jackpot! I do so love the Food Network! BAM!" Drakken again said to himself as he sat the remote down in front of him. A promo commercial for the network just happen to be playing, letting him know just exactly what channel he had landed on. Bobby Flay, Alton Brown, Rachel Ray, Emeril Lagasse, Paula Dean, and Mario Batali were trying to sell the network the viewer was currently watching.

"These commercials never make sense to me…" Drakken muttered as he watched. After a commercial for toothpaste and a local commercial for Harold Lemon's Used Cars, and one for Total Gin, which ended with the slogan Enjoy with Total responsibility, the screen went black (when stations are cueing up for the show they are about to air) for a little bit and then Alton Brown appeared on the screen.

Alton was flipping through a pile of letters that was spread out on the table in his kitchen. "You know, folks," he said, "Sometimes, we run out of ideas for food showcases here. In times like that, we usually turn to the massive amounts of fan mail, and when we get through the ones asking if this is my house, if W is my wife, or how we get the cameras in those funky places, which, by the way, is another show. One we already did, mind you, every once in awhile, we get a real gem that asks if we could feature their recipe on the show. Well, happily I say unto you, this time, we're going to do just that."

Alton held up a letter to his face and looked at the camera "Now, here in my hands, is the letter that inspired us to do this episode," he told his viewers then turned to the letter. "Dear Mr. Brown. My boyfriend and I are high school sweethearts that are about to graduate from college next year. Shortly after that, we going to get married." Alton looked at the camera and said "Aww, isn't that sweet?" before returning to the letter. "I would like to surprise him by seeing if you would feature a culinary dish that he invented. The Naco. Signed, Kimberly P."

Alton set the letter down and then got up from the chair he was sitting in and started walking to the kitchen door. "Well, Kim, we are going to do more than that. After some research, we found out just what the Naco is actually all about. And, after several attempts that got us, well, CLOSE, we figured it would be time to call in the real expert. So, fans of the show, I humbly invite the inventor of the Naco into my kitchen. Please welcome Ron Stoppable to the show!"

Alton opened up the door and Ron walked in, waving to the cameras. As he walked in, balloons and confetti dropped from the ceiling while a "cheering" track played in the background.

"Alton, It is one bon-diggity pleasure to be here," Ron said, "And I can't wait to show you that with a little bit of know-how, even the must humble of nacos can also be the greatest of…" The camera cut away before Ron could finish.

Hokey music started playing and a chorus chanted "Good Eats." The music played for another few seconds before Ron and Alton appeared back on the screen.

"Dude, what just happened?" Ron asked.

"Well, ya know, TV magic, stuff like that," Alton explained.

"Oh, well, okay then!" Ron exclaimed.

"Now, you're here to tell us about the Naco itself, right?" Alton asked while crossing his arms over his chest.

"Indeed I am my friend. The naco is the perfect blend of spiced ground beef, spiced melted cheese, all in a crispy shell that just begs to be savored." Ron said, a bit of drool forming in the corner of his mouth and a far away look forming in his eyes.

"Hmm, I think I'm starting to see where I went wrong on those other naco batches…" Alton said, and then brushed the though off and grabbed Ron by the shoulders and drug him off screen. "C'mon! We've got shopping to do!" This action was met with a yelp of surprise from Ron as he was dragged away.

"Now, the first thing we need to get is some corn tortillas," Alton said, now in the middle of a grocery store, more importantly, the ethnic aisle of his local mega mart. "Home made would be the best, but since we've got a lot of foods to fabricate, including these," he explained, holding up a package of corn tortillas, "We'll stick with cheep, locally made tortillas. If you DO want to use home made, then by all means, feel free to drop by our section on the Food Network website and download the recipe. As for the meat that will be used, well, Ron?"

The camera zipped over to Ron, who was leaning against glass of a meat counter, with his arms crossed across his chest. "As far as Naco meat goes, you can't go wrong with cow. Of course, that leads to the question of what type of ground beef you use. Do you get ground lean? Ground round? Or just plain old ground beef?" Ron pushed off the meat counter and turned around to the butcher behind it. He was wearing a white coat and had a thin mustache. "So, which is it?" Ron asked.

"Well, if you're making tacos, then I wouldn't use the ground lean. The meat will just crumble apart and would be to dry. Ground chuck would be okay, but for some people, it would be just too expensive. However, with it's eighty twenty meat to fat ratio, regular ground beef will be just fine. The meat won't get to dry, but it will still yield to a good crumble, so you won't have giant beef chunks in your taco," the Butcher explained.

"Sounds good to me, my man!" Ron said and then pointed to the pile of ground beef in the cabinet "Two pounds of that!" Ron then turned to face the camera. "Now, two pounds might seem like a lot, but keep in mind that we're not making your average taco here. The Naco uses twice the meat of a normal taco, and the reasons for which will be made apparent in the not so distant future."

"Here's your ground beef, sir," The Butcher said, pulling Ron's attention back behind him.

"Badical!" Ron exclaimed and took the package of meat from him. "Of course, what Naco isn't complete without the perfectness that is, melted cheese? Alton, why don't you inform those at home which cheese is best?"

The camera zipped back to Alton, who was now in the cheese isle of the mega mart, holding up a block of yellow cheese, "I'd be happy to. Now, if you've ever had a taco at your local Tex-Mex restaurant, then you know that cheddar," Alton said as he waved the block of cheese around a small bit, "is the order of the day. Why? Well, because it tastes good, and it melt's smoothly, which we will take advantage of later on. Plus it tastes good! Now all we need is a bit of veggies to go with this. What do you have over there, Ron?"

Another camera zip later, Ron was standing beside a case holding several heads of lettuce. "Now, I personally don't like having veggies in my Naco. If I want a salad I'd order a salad. But, I will admit that my fiancé does dig a bit of green in her grub, so if you want to use lettuce, I won't fight you on it. Now, as for what type of lettuce you should use," Ron grabbed a head of dark green romaine lettuce. "This would probably work the best. See, ice burg lettuce, which is what people think of when they think of lettuce, just, it doesn't have that much flavor. So, if you want to use the green stuff, then by all means, please use a flavorful lettuce!" Ron then walked over to the tomatoes and held up a bright red tomato. "These, however, we will be using. Or rather," Ron then tossed the tomato off screen and had a can tossed back to him, which he snatched out of the air, "tomato paste. But it won't be going into the beef. Instead, it will be going into our spicy sauce that we will be drizzling into the final product," Ron said as he tossed the tomato paste can off screen.

A quick cut later, Alton was standing in the spice aisle. The chef reached up and snatched the can out of the air, like Ron did. "Hot sauce. And I'm not talking about salsa. I'm talking about real hot sauce," Alton talked to the camera as he walked down the isle. "The type that contains chipotle chilies, and the adobo sauce, " Alton grabbed a can and showed it to the camera, "the powder of assorted chilies," he held the packet to the camera, "and last but not least, dried habaneroes," he said and held up a small packet of dried habaneroes. "Okay, now that we've got our ingredients, how about we go cook, huh?" Alton asked as the camera tinted in a freeze frame.

_Several times, when one chili is dried, it takes a new name for itself. For example: a chipotle chili is the dried version of a jalapeno. _


End file.
